Sadness Monday

Hi Monday!

I dont know if this is abnormal. I was depressed for whole day yesterday. The sadness feeling and mood from my ex-b came to me suddenly. I felt helpless, depressed, upset, sad…. when I saw a photo, when I listened a music, when I thought of a moment, even when I found a cloth that I used to wear…… all came to me suddenly. I tried to turn on the music for a meditation. I tried to talk with friends to release my stress from this. But, finally, I failed. I called him and I cant stop my tears…. We talked with a embarrassed tone. I am super surprised  that he could be so calm and cold just after just two months.

The past two months, it is more than a nightmare….

After hanging up the phone, I was devastated. Tears came out like a storm rain, I cant stop it. It was so painful from my heart. I felt that I am crashed by his coldness, the sadness accumulated for the past two months defeated me absolutely. My heart was torn and I felt extremely hurt. It took two hours to stop crying, I guessed I may feel tired and just fell into sleep because I got headache and big eyes this morning when I woke up. The first feeling after opened my eyes this morning was hurt. I even had a wish to die. I am disappoint depressed with the things and people around me. I pretended to be strong and showered, then dressed up and made up. I could lie to others in the office but I know I cant lie to myself. I missed him.

Red Autumn Season in Beijing

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.  –  Helen Keller

I am sorry that I cant be giggled at this moment!


A broken bridge in a southern city of China


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